i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Randomize
