So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
