Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
