im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
