I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
