if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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