I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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