...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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