Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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