Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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