You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
