Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
