Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
