What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
