You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Who died my cat blue again?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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