great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
