and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
