guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
