Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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