I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
