You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
