I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize