I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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