We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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