I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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