Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
