i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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