Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Where is the hickey?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
