My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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