i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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