Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize