apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
