if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
