I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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