when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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