is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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