i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
