The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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