Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
