I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
