Moan for me like Helen Keller
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
