Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
