this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
