that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
