I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
