How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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