Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
