And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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