Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize