you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
