Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
