the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
