thus making me awesome and them whores
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
