Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize