I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
