ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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