Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
