Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
