Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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