he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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