Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
