if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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