I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
