So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
