I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize