So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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