I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
