508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I deserve this hangover.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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