I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
