Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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