I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize