I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
