Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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