i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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