I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Randomize
