Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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