Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize