There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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