I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize