After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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