Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just cropdusted the office
She bit a glass in half.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
