Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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