I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize