In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize