What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
