when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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