I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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