My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
