I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
