Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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