the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
